lol

yep this totally didn't happen. At least, not YET. Eh heh. Basically I first had a week full of agonizing procrastination on studying/working on school stuff, with lots of important grades all around, for a little over a week. Then, the next week, early access to Il-2 Sturmovik Battle of Stalingrad began, which completely swallowed up the middle of the week, lol (the only time it's available to play is Tuesday-Thursday each week for the time being). Then I had yet more tests and shite to study for, and I started playing my other flightsims a lot, and my sleep schedule has gotten more fucked up than I thought possible. I didn't completely forget about this here li'l project, but I definitely never really felt like working on it. I don't think there's been any time these last couple weeks until now when I was either playing Il-2 while I should've been studying or working, or else wasting time on other games or the internet instead of studying or working, or playing Il-2 while I should've been sleeping, or sleeping while I should've been studying/working/going to class. I've slept through a lot of classes this semester. Bad, I know :(,   My long-time tendency to stay up late continues even now that bedtime is really late in the first place, so I always stay up reeeaaally late, and then things get weird. Particularly recently, when I actually started staying up all night like every other night for a little while.

But anyways, finally I'm back here. Actually I've never written from here before, I'm in my wubbly's dorm room late at night cause her roommate already went home for thanksgiving break. She's writing in her journal, and I'm sitting here typing this on her li'l laptop. We're so cuuuute. hehe.

Yeah, so the reason I'm finally doing this again is that as of 9:30 pm this evening I finally finished all my school obligations for before Thanksgiving break, and now I simply await the time tomorrow when I ride home with my sister and my wubbly and another friend.

Agh, so the screen has a few little particles of unidentified matter on it that show up as black, and I keep on accidentally seeing them as little ants, cause back in my dorm, a bunch of ants have taken to living in the basement with us now that it's gotten cold outside. Friggin squatters.

Oh yeah, just remembered, all my hogwash about not being motivated and being tired and depressed and whatnot. Basically, while I stopped worrying about it, as I usually tend to do, I also didn't really change my habits much. Like I said, sleep schedule is still crazy shite. Though I did actually spend a bit more time studying and stuff, and I actually did get that big essay done on time.

And then the time I fucked everything up again, Providence shone down brightly on me as it tends to do once in a while, eh heh. Some people tend to notice that I really am quite the lucky bastard. Situational luck aside, I have a tendency to have remarkable luck sometimes in relation to me failing at something or acting in a way that will potentially make things a lot worse for me, or just being lazy or whatever, but then somehow it often all just seems to work out alright anyhow. My mexican friend used to call it my Divine Force. He's a really weird kid. But yeah, I had sort of a theory about that. I seem lucky in comparison to other people, because I leave more room for luck to happen. While other kids work hard and study hard and spend a lot of time and effort on their schoolwork, I tend to put in rather minimal effort and time. This puts me in dangerous situations grade-wise, but usually things work out anyways because I don't generally make terrible decisions when it comes down to it, and I'm good at figuring things out last minute and such. And then sometimes there are seriously lucky things, like when just a couple days ago I stayed up all night, didn't study for a test, finally started studying for the test, and then promptly fell asleep. Then I woke up 15 minutes before the test, rushed there, presumed myself dead meat, and then... no one was there to give out the test. There was supposed to be a substitute teacher to hand out the test, but they didn't show. So the test didn't happen, and my butt was saved. Things like that. Basically, most people (my peers at least, generally people who are intelligent and work fairly hard at the least) know that it's really not smart to just leave things to luck and hope for the best, so they work hard to ensure that they don't need luck. They study and do the work on time. I don't study as much and often do not get work done on time. This leaves a lot of room for just hoping that luck will turn out well. And oftentimes it does, and then it appears that I'm a particularly lucky person. Which is just a direct result of me being just poorly motivated and kind of a bastard. Lol. So yeah, I'm pretty much just getting all the extra luck that my peers are all tossing to the side because they'd rather not need it, and so I just scrounge it all up and use that instead of hard work.

I'm a weird person. ahue.

When writing essays, as of like 11th grade we started being taught not to use passive verbs, because it makes our writing sound apparently less interesting/weaker. Which makes sense, but then I think it's also really a matter of style. My English teachers generally said that I wrote pretty well, namely because I just write how I speak, which ends up flowing well if I organize it correctly/put in the effort because it's an essay for a grade. But then when there are requirements of avoiding passive verbs, the essay writing suddenly becomes much harder, because my natural tone/style involves me not giving a shite what I write, and usually writing a good number of passive verbs into my otherwise apparently good writing(at least, I've been told it's pretty good. iono. Probably just sometimes it comes out well, but not most of the time.). So essays that teachers/professors expect to be written without passive verbs make essays suddenly much more hassle than they would ordinarily be. I can generally come up with good ways to avoid the passive verbs, but it takes time, and reduces the ever-important word count by linking longer sentences together into a shorter one, and then occasionally I just can't think of a way to do it.

Huh. Originally I wrote "cant" instead of "can't" and spellcheck didn't bat a single pretty little eyelash. Or wait, is there a word "cant" that's used in english, like short for an Italian word or something? Iono. Dont. Don't. Welp spellcheck cared about that one, so I guess maybe cant is a word in its dictionary. I'll look it up sometime.

On that topic though, I kind of dislike how language so invariably evolves and changes. Of course, at first it was free form, but then dictionaries were written and rules were made, and they were kept for quite some time. When people are using language incorrectly, proper rules or spellings or meanings can be cited to prove that they're wrong. But what bugs me, is that as language changes, in order to continue to be relevant, the dictionaries and whatnot change along with the language, and so basically if people start making up their own rules for the game, all they have to do is get enough people to do it and then it becomes the rule. It's essentially might makes right, in a direct democracy kind of way, the kind of governing I am probably more afraid of than any other. I used to be able to correct a person if they wrote the word hiccup, when in fact, though the word sounds like hiccup, it is actually spelled hiccough. Except nowadays if I point to a dictionary to prove myself, unless it's like a big old very comprehensive dictionary, it'll just say hiccup. Because enough people were ignorant for enough time, what was technically correct changed, just like that. Of course I could always try to cite the history of the word or something to try to convince them that really I'm right and that the dictionary just says what it does cause it's an ign'ant hoe, but then I'd just be a huge nerd and they probably wouldn't believe me anyways. It's like if enough people take vibrating dildos and start using them to smear shite all over themselves regularly and call it cleaning for enough time, then suddenly cleaning in its correct meaning will actually refer to the rubbing of one's shite on oneself with a vibrating phallus. Madness. Lol, I've been watching too many Zero Punctuation video game reviews.

I don't actually care about the whole above paragraph all the much lol, considering there's really no reason to justify my feelings in any way except for having a tight, or rather, the very tightest, of asses. I'm still gonna keep writing hiccough though. (I don't actually go and correct people about grammar or spelling, lol. Not out loud, at least.)

Ok this is pretty long. Thaaaaat's enough for now I think. No German words tonight because I'm too lazy and I'm not on my own computer and excusesexcusesexcuses. Man, I haven't even gotten to how amazingly good Il-2 Battle of Stalingrad is. I'll do that some other time I guess.

G'niiiiight. May your wubbly be as warm and snuggly as mine.

Until we meet again...

quickie

Gonna be a brief post tonight. I need to get to sleep so I can try and work and study tomorrow. I've been awful about such things lately, as usual, and at this point I really really need to change. Being depressed about it doesn't help. As I said to my wubbly today, "I sure am pessimistic for an optimist." I really am normally an optimist, but lately I really have been quite pessimistic about my standings and abilities academically. I just suck at putting effort into schoolwork. At least after this week a lot of the stress will be over with.

Deutsche Woerter des Tages:

1. fertig sein - to finish
    Bist du fertig mit dem Buch?  (are you finished with the book?)

2. das Gesicht - face (noun)
   Meine Frau hat ein wunderschönes Gesicht. (<==true fact)
   Mein Gesicht wird rot, wenn ich verlegen bin. (verlegen = embarrassed)
   Der Junge wäscht gerade sein Gesicht mit einem Waschlappen. (the boy washes his face with a washcloth)
   hübsches Gesicht (pretty face)

Goodness

I only barely remembered that I need to blog before I sleep for the night. I have some homework problems due tomorrow, but I think I have time during the day to do them, so I'm going to go to sleep soon. But first I gotta do my daily bloggggg!

Went to church with the family this morning. It's kind of lovely how nice it felt to be back home, even though I haven't really felt like I've been missing it or anything. Just seeing all my other model airplanes, seeing the ocean, using my laptop on my desk, and sleeping in my bed were all so, so nice. Now I'm really looking forwards to Thanksgiving and Winter breaks.

After a little over three hours of driving this afternoon, I'm back in Austin, and trying to mentally prepare myself to buckle down and get schoolwork done. Not successful so far this evening, but then again I just got back and then took a nap and stuff. Tomorrow, it begins.

Had some fun conversation with my sister today. we're cool kiddos.

Listening to Cloud Age Symphony at the moment. I'm already kind of mellow about my potential impending doom, so this music fits comfortably. Such beautiful music. Also read some about Shostakovich tonight, listened to his famous Sting Quartet No 8 a bunch, and then listened to Poor Leno by Royksopp. I guess I'm just feeling kinda down about my potential impending doom. Oh well. I'm sure soon enough I'll be back on track listening upbeat electronic music and enjoying life.

German words of the day

(Deutsche Woerter des Tages)

1. das Auto - car
    die Autos - plural

2. fahren - to drive/ride
ich fahre
du fährst
er fährt
wir fahren
ihr fahrt
sie; Sie fahren
(thank you http://www.verbix.com/webverbix/German/fahren.html)

3. die Woche - week
Wochenende - weekend

4. die Arbeit - work

5. aschfahles - ashen, pale
    (blass, bleich - pale)

6. schauen - to look
ich schaue
du schaust
er schaut
wir schauen
ihr schaut
sie; Sie schauen




Also listening to Remind Me, by Royksopp. Definitely one of my all time favorites along with Cloud Age Symphony. There are two versions of the song, both are good.

urg

so of course, as soon as I decide to start blogging every day, life comes and smacks me down. First I sleep through a day's classes on an important day(fucking shite), then I head home for the weekend as planned. The evening turns out to be busy until I definitely need to go to bed, so no time for blog writing. Then today I get up with not enough sleep, and spend pretty much the whole day dealing with this laptop, which happens to contain a hard drive that is slowly failing, right at a critical time in relation to school.

This coming week is going to be hell. On Monday I have homework due on a subject that is difficult and that I haven't been keeping up with lately. On Wednesday, I have the second of only three tests on that subject, which is also a problem because I haven't been keeping up with the class lately. On Friday, I have a test in calculus, which isn't necessarily a terrible thing in itself, but I've had terrible performance on all the previous tests so far, so I'm going to need to try and desperately make sure I don't completely fuck everything up. And theeeeennn, to finish everything off, I have a large like 2500 word essay due on Friday that I've only somewhat started, on a topic that I'm not sure I'll be able to write a really good, long essay about, and this essay is worth like 14% of the grade in the class or something. So I'm going to be needing to work on that all week, I'm going to be needing to study for calc, I'm going to be needing to study like crazy for computing, do the computing homework, and do my usual circuits homework. This will be for sure the most academically swamped I have ever been ever.

Which is kinda weird. I very often leave things for the last minute, and so I have many a time spent a night working on a big project due the next day, or completing built up work that needs to be turned in. But never before have I had such a large amount of responsibility, and had the due date last the entire week. I can only hope that I won't be my usual bastard loafing self, and that I'll actually pull through with some ok grades.

Sigh, ok, got that out of the way. Basically, I guess, blogging might not get it's enthusiastic start like it seemed was going to happen. sssiiiiiiiigggggghhhhhhh

why do things always turn out this way. Why is it that any time I actually try and be proactive, suddenly everything's just like NOPE TOO BUSY CANT HEAR YOU

anyway

hopefully my computer won't die at a really bad time. The hard drive is definately broken somehow, and my computer blue screens any time I try to do anything to help the drive. the only way to keep it from bluescreening, weirdly, is simply to use it as normal and pretend nothing's wrong. Then I can use it just fine all day. Just randomly I'll wake up in the morning and find it bluescreened.

So I ordered a new hard drive. Moving all my files across is going to be so much fun.

sigh. I hope I have time for my wubbly~

I love my wubbly.

German Words of the Day

(Deutsche Woerter des Tages)

1. kalt - cold
    Deine Haende sind so kalt.  (Your hands are so cold)


2. der Chef - Boss
     Unser Chef behandelt uns sehr hoeflich. (Our boss treats us courteously)

3. die Frau - woman

4. der Jungen - boy

 

eeeyyyyy it's blog time

not really but somehow all the times since the previous blogs have felt like non-blog times and I don't like that so now it's gonna be blog time.

what a coincidence, it became blog time right after starting my homework.

I always think of so many random things and figure out ways to describe and explain things and stuff, except I always tend to do so only for the moment; I rarely can recollect any revelations later on, or at least not after a couple days. especially if sleep is lacking. my short term memory goes to shit if I don't get sleep lol. Plus my current daily schedule is already whacked out and difficult to remember as it is.

I feel like a challenge for me trying to write a blog like a pro would be updating regularly. I'm more of a burst-y kinda person, I tend to be intense about things for a bit and then wane and be relatively unconcerned about them later. so rather than sitting down at a regular time to discuss things, I'm much more likely to just kinda blather energetically and post a lot in a short amount of time, and then have a period of inactivity. or something.

but yeah, I guess I could at least handle trying to set up like a minimum regularity of posts, like once every few days or something. Just to make it more likely that I actually remember to do it.

'cept of course, like with most ideas on how to make myself more productive, I can think of the plan, right up until it comes to deciding the details, and then I immediately decide that I'm not ready for the details or that I don't need the details and just blow it off, and then nothing changes/nothing gets done when/how I want it to. I think this is actually the earliest I've ever begun circuits homework by about four hours, and it's mid-evening the day before it's due. Und alles die Zeit, I tell myself I'm gonna do it earlier next time. Never happens. Well, except like right now, but this is quite rare.

That reminds me, I've thought for a long time about trying to, on my own time, learn some foreign language, either Russian, Japanese, or German. I've already got a small basis in German, so it's the most likely contender. I was pretty good at grammar, so mostly as far as I can tell I just need to start learning vocabulary as much as I can. I always think about trying to learn a word every day or something, but like everything else besides video games and sex and occasionally hobbies, it tends to not happen. It will now, though.

I have before tried to sort out my thoughts about my ineptness about time management and changing to be more academically successful through writing my thoughts, just as I have here. And each time I write/think/tell myself that this time it will happen, that it really isn't difficult, I just have to do it. But I don't. And you'd think I'd get tired of stress and sometimes failure and bungled outcomes, but, well, actually I do, but I just somehow never work up the courage to change things, to give up any part of my life as it is now that I so enjoy.

Just proofread this post so far, and noticed that I said shit instead of shite. Gotta work on that too.

And also came up with the thought, "Hey! You know what would actually be a good idea? Since I actually enjoy writing things like these blog posts, and I also want to start learning another word or two in German daily, I'll just combine the two, and always include a German word or two of the day in my blog, and blog every day. That way I won't forget to do it! :D"

Actually yeah, that would be pretty neat. You'd get a pretty interesting and unprecedented account of my daily life like never seen before. Cause I'm shit (fuck, I mean shite) at writing journal-type things. And also I would learn German. And start maybe being able to remember what I thought about things yesterday, or the day before. This is just gonna help me organize my life I guess, lol. And making it on a public place like a blog is I think the only way I'll actually feel inclined to continue it, cause I very quickly lose impetus if I'm just doing something chore-like only for myself.

It would be pretty fun to just blog about everything that I'm trying to learn about out of my own interest. As in, not my school work, but anything I'm figuring out about random shite that I like. I actually really enjoy just explaining things that I know about in general, and such is often what I do when talking to myself anyways. I could just blog it, yo.

I feel awkward about the length of this blog post. I don't wanna limit my blog posts because that's silly and it's not like I have to follow rules. But if this is ever to be read with any convenience, and in order to actually be useful, it can't be too long. Ironic how these thoughts have increased the length yet more.

Ok. German word of the day, followed by a bow, curtain, and then working on my circuits once more.

Just gonna rip off a German Word of the Day website or two probs. wheeeee

German words of ze day:
(Deutsche Woerter des Tages)

1.das Huhn - chicken (hoon)
   Huehner - plural
   Huehnerei - chicken egg

2. der Stall - stable, as in for horses

3. das Pferd - horse
   Pferden - plural

(umlauts are transliterated by adding an e after the vowel, cause at the moment I don't feel like hunting down a convenient way to apply umlauts here)

(ahuehuehue spellcheck has shite in its dictionary, not highlighted)

*bow*

*curtain*

oh dear

Man does typing with that little silicone keyboard suck. blargh. So just to point out, the full title of my blog is the title plus the url, I just put the last bit in the url because it wouldn't fit in the title. Gotta make do with what shit ya got and shit. I have no idea what direction this is gonna take or if this is going to be interesting or if it's even going to happen. I kind of imagine it will, because it's so easy. Typing is so much easier than writing. It would've taken me like three minutes to write this, whereas it only took me like one minute to write it. probably. I really have no idea.

Explaining things about myself and my current situation seems like it would be boring and lengthy, so I'm just going to skip that and presume things will become written as they become relevant.

Hai

shit I need to clip my fingernails but it's late at night and iono if I wanna do that right now.

shit has become my go-to curse I guess, or maybe it has been for a long time. I wish it was shite instead. I'll try, see if I can make it happen, like I did sometime in sophomore year of highschool or something.

Another reason that this blog might actually happen; this is a really really easy way to procrastinate. Nothing is easier and somewhat productive feeling like trying to write down one's life. at least in comparison with writing down the power supplied or dissipated in the 130 ohm resistor in that circuit with several dependent sources and extraordinary nodes and no way to simplify it.

I guess I'll go clip my finger nails. Ooh, and study for a lab-proficiency exam thingy. good luck to meeeeeeeeeee